Mother of all jobs - Child raising on foreign shores

Being a parent can be a tough job. But I think parenting becomes doubly hard for immigrant parents. Faced with a new set of norms, blend into a different culture and having a go at it without the usual safety net of relatives and friends.

I had been in New Zealand for two years before I gave birth to my first child last year. Yet I still found the transition to parenthood fraught with difficulties. In my case, it was the feeling of isolation and loneliness.

Coming from a big and close knit family where almost every occasion is celebrated, having no one to share my trials and triumphs during my pregnancy was hard.

There are just those days that you need to talk to your Mom or sister about things that you would never be able to discuss with people you’ve met in the ante natal class. Aside from that, they were not there to witness my belly growing nor the milestones that my baby has gone through.

But I think the most difficult was when my son was born. No yayas for hire! You are it! The one stop shop and do it all yourself. With a very colicky and fussy baby, it just about drove me to a nervous breakdown.

This is exactly what prompted Alyssa* to decide to sell up their house here in Auckland and move back to the Philippines.

Married to a Kiwi, they have one son. Although they face the uncertainties of political instability and such back home they reckoned that it’s best for their baby to grow up among relatives.

Another factor was the lack of help in the household. She said that with a new born baby and no relatives around for support, it made life too hard.

For Dominique*, a single mother from Zimbabwe, she also faces a lot of hurdles as an immigrant parent. She is a full time student and has one daughter. She’s been here for three years now and says that she has to struggle because of the lack of support for her and her daughter.

As a single parent, her main concern is giving the attention her daughter deserves. With no other relatives around to help care for her she is so pressed for time to balance study and family life.

As much as she wants to do night shift work after her classes to supplement her benefit, she has no one whom she could safely leave her child with so that makes it impossible.

She said although her friends are willing to help, they themselves are also immigrants and have their own worries. They are also busy juggling their schedules and earning a living.

Another worry that she has to face is explaining to her child about racism. As the only child of colour in her kindy, she relates an incident where her daughter was not invited to a birthday party because she has brown hands.

She said that she was outraged as this made her daughter question her normality and felt very different from the other children.

These, I’m sure, are only the tip of the iceberg. Certainly, other immigrant parents have their own stories to tell.

If you do, then why don’t you share it with us? It could prove therapeutic for you and at the least, other parents would know that they are not alone in these situations.

Note: Names have been changed in the story.

Mavis Balcatos writes a regular column on issues that affect new migrants. Please direct your emails to: pinoy.net.nz@ xtra.co.nz